I Will Not Die

Step one: desires

It is completely natural to want things in life. It is the most fundamental thing about being human. From birth, we are dressed with desire. But at the same time, “wanting things” is a very controversial topic to a lot of people. Our consumerism, greed and satisfaction orgies all seem a little shocking on the one hand, but on the other hand, wanting nothing in life at all seems equally unsettling. One obvious solution is to seek out moderation when confronted with our desires. Temper our natural instincts through the use of reason and self-control. But does moderation ever fail? In my opinion, yes it does. It fails when we moderate our appetites for really noble and good things. What happens when we moderate our passion for personal growth? We are all surrounded by people who have “settled” because they made a decision to accept the safety from the position they have in life instead of the risk that comes from venturing into the unknown and untraveled world of “let’s see what I can do.”

Step two: suffering

All suffering can be generally understood as the distance between what you’ve got and what you want. The greater the distance between the two, the more the suffering. Because of this, the people who want things the most, or who perceive that distance as being the greatest, also suffer the most. Some suffering is unjustified because what some people want in life is simply bad or stupid or silly. A wealthy and arrogant man who “suffers” because he doesn’t get his ass kissed just right in a restaurant probably deserves the finger, no? But other suffering is quite the opposite: the poor, the starving, the parentless, the destitute.

What’s my point?

Something we hear a lot in life is that our private complaints about wanting to reach our goals are not much more than the sniveling whimpers one might hear from rich kids. For Americans for instance, being born and raised in the good ol’ U S of A, we have little right to complain when faced with a world with many people much worse off than we are. And that is true. It’s something we should all be thinking about. But, does that necessarily mean we should not have our private complaints? Does it mean we should reduce the distance between what we have and what we want? Does it mean we should moderate? Gosh, I really don’t want to think so, at least not all the time. The question that should be asked, in my opinion, is this, “Is what you want a really good thing?” Is it something that makes human-being-ness better, shinier, or more proud? Or is it for some stupid handful of French fries? Does it relate to human excellence? If so, I say game on.

Dereck :: Jun.25.2008 :: Happiness :: 3 Comments »

After I wrote the wildly popular post Why Smart People Fail, I received several interesting responses, some in the comments section and others privately through the contact form on this website. One example was the comment that presented two very valid questions, one of which was “If you’re so smart, why aren’t you happy?” Later, I asked a coworker of mine to read the article and tell me what she thought about it. Ultimately, she felt it was lacking. It was lacking something to her because she is familiar with the periodic unhappiness that I feel while at my work, in my cubicle, my hell, my dungeon. In what I felt was a sarcastic question, she referenced my mention of the phrase “when in Rome, do as the Romans do” and asked, “so how’s that working out for you?” Ouch. My response ultimately was, “actually, I’d say pretty well.” I went on to illustrate the many successes I have had at my work and in my life. I told her how, while in Rome, and while doing as the Romans do, I was building up my resources and kicking some Roman ass. We eventually embarked on an e-mail exchange that maintained the “Roman” theme, an analogy I found so useful then, that I’ll use it here too.The analogy goes something like this: smart people fail because they forget they are in Rome. In order to succeed, they have to come to grips with where they’re at. The “Romans” in this analogy are all the many “common” people that surround the smart people. So are smart people, acting as Romans so they can succeed like Romans, happy? Not always and here’s why:

They are extremely bored

Smart people in a Roman world are more than likely only practicing a fraction of their talents. The things Romans do are really quite simple: work, play, sleep, eat, poop. Wake up and repeat. And for Romans, these are fun! But, as I said in the other article, smart people are puzzle-solvers. They like a challenge. They get bored when they are not challenged, and because the vast majority of careers out there are “production based” (do task a, then task b, etc.), their jobs are quickly mastered by smart people and are only challenging during that learning phase. After they learn the job they’re in, they’re done. Out. Finished. Bored. In the Roman world though, under normal circumstances, once a Roman job is learned, that means it’s time for a promotion. The problem is that the Roman world operates much more slowly than smart peoples’ learning capacity. There is often a very long delay between when a smart person learns the Roman job and when he can advance to the next, more challenging job. During that delay, smart people are left wandering around bored out of their minds.

They feel stuck

A lot of smart people out there in the Roman world are only in the Roman world because they need to eat. In other words, they need the frickin’ money. So, they work away, day in and day out and after a long enough period of time, it occurs to them that they might never get to leave. They make just enough money to survive and the slow pace of promotion gives them the dawning sensation that they might end up doing the same thing they are now every day until they die. With prospects like that, it’s no wonder smart people can be unhappy.

They comprehend the futility of their situations

This one’s my personal favorite. Smart people have greater comprehension skills. They tend to connect the dots both better and more into the future than typical Romans do. For a smart person, doing the same thing each and every day just so they can get a paycheck, just so they can buy some stuff eventually seems almost laughable. Live to work to live. What? That’s it? Scary. But ask a Roman about it and they’ll smile with satisfaction and naively say, “Yep, that’s what we Romans do!” Smart people though, just aren’t wired that way. They’re problem solvers not problem-perpetuaters. They like to fix things not keep them broken.

They are lonely

A lot of smart people look around them and only see Romans. Because they don’t have enough in common with the Romans to really enjoy the gladiator fights and Christian sacrifices going on at the local coliseum, they end up being loners half the time. Their down time is spent either begrudgingly in the presence of tolerable Romans or simply in the absence of anyone at all.

They have no exit strategy

They miss their fatherland. They work in Rome so they can eat but cannot leave. So smart people wander around the streets of Rome pretending to be Roman but because they don’t have many options, they stay in Rome forever, unhappily. They let themselves become Roman. They spend just enough time in their Roman labors that they never figure out an escape route.

The optimistic answer to all of these

Good god man! Get out of Rome! Or at least, as a starting point, figure out once and for all that the reason you’re not very happy, is because you’re simply not a Roman. If doing all the things that makes everyone else around you feel peachy-keen makes you feel sick all the time, it’s probably a good indication that you’re just not genetically a freakin’ Roman. Find some things to do outside of your Roman duties that are challenging and stimulating, recognize that the Roman way is the futile way, plan your escape and find some friends. It’s ok to walk around the Romans and secretly know deep down “I’m just not like you.” You don’t have to be like your coworkers, you just have to act like it for a while. Then once you find what you really love, pack your bags and leave.

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Dereck :: Jun.18.2008 :: Happiness :: 44 Comments »