I Will Not Die

There are as many reasons to love kids as there are kids. Here are some recent favorites of mine. I’ve been tucking these away so I could combine them into a quick post.

My son has no understanding of television. He’s only watched it a handful times ever and so sometimes when he talks about it, it’s extremely funny because he gets it all wrong. Also, my wife listens to audio books on CDs quite frequently while she’s doing housework, so he knows what they are. Yesterday my wife got a couple children’s DVDs in case I wanted him to watch one while she was out. He excitedly brought me one and said, “Look! Mommy got me two new TVs!” Then he asked me if we could listen to them.

The other day, as my son came walking into the room eating a muffin for breakfast, I said, “It’s a muffin-eating Michael!” He immediately started crying and told me, “No! The muffin’s not eating me, I’m eating the muffin!” Oops. I guess I need to work on the hyphen thingy.

Per decree, “a couple” now equals…um, nine. That’s right. Nine. Write this down.

My son, who is a very polite boy, who has no definitive comprehension of violence or hatred or even mean-spiritedness in general, bounded in the door the other day after playing with some neighborhood friends, stuck his fist out at me and proclaimed, “I Kill You!! Kill you with fire!” WTF? Help me out here.

The other day, while taking a bath, my son decided to, ahem, personify his…you know, well, erm, his guy thing. “It” then proceeded to have a conversation with his mother. Then I had to spend the next thirty minutes trying to persuade her that I did not teach him that. What the hell?

Dereck :: Jul.09.2008 :: Humor :: No Comments »

As you might guess, I often check out the Internet and read sites that have mentioned my writing. I was excited to see a discussion forum mention my article Why Smart People Fail. Before I continue, I’d like to deeply thank the administrator of the below mentioned forum for bringing my article up for discussion. However, the discussion quickly turned humorous because I soon found myself reading the most difficult writing I have encountered in my entire life.

I’ll give the guy some credit: I noticed that it’s a Polish culture forum so the member’s English could be his second language. Even so though, what came out was one of the funniest things I’ve read in a while. Can anyone tell me what this means?

“I have but only of a little to add as a comment upon the authors theses of Smart/Intelligence.

As for one comment, I believe I understand the various points brought forward, but disagree with the constituents as a whole that comprise his points.

Smart is that of in-learnt behaviour. In other words, it is replacing a judgment reaction to that of a thought out analysis.

Whilst Intelligence, is a process of assimilation of known information, compiles this into a mental data base for analysis. With this analysis, forms a library of choice for possible actions. With this, is also the ability to as new information is gathered, to rationalize this as {go or no-go}. To then use these idea as a platform of tools for gain of that of means of gain to what ever is sought by the individual.

The word or concept of {failure} is not a working concept, for it is not logical. Failure, is simply the result of a process that did not produce to the expectation of the builder. Intelligence would then review the previous process for analysis of fault location detection. Take the now known fault, re-engineer for results, then place into action for expected results.

If the fault is once again experienced, then place the smart people in to the position of responsibility, for them to receive the blame. Then go on to build some thing else that will offer a better chance of success.”

Dereck :: Jun.18.2008 :: Humor :: No Comments »