I Will Not Die

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Dear Cubicle:

I think we should break up.

You tricked me. Do you know how much I used to love you? When I was in my early twenties, I used to work outside, under the hot noontime sun in the summer. I sweat, my muscles strained, I was thirsty, tired, hungry.

But then I met you. Your air conditioning, your padded ergonomic chair, your nearby water cooler…you seduced me, didn’t you? But I know, I am equally to blame. I let you seduce me. I let myself fall in love with you.

But now I just don’t love you anymore. You expect too much from me now, and as time has gone on, and the more I give to you, the less you seem to be trying at our relationship. You seem to care less about me each day. Perhaps you are bored with me?

Fine then, be that way. I’m bored with you too. And just so you know, I cheated first.

I’ve flirted with the idea of leaving you for a long time now. And yes, I’ve kept it from you. Oh no! Don’t cry! Just listen, just listen. We should have talked more this whole time, I know…but you just wouldn’t listen. You just wouldn’t hear what I’ve had to say…

So I’m leaving you. You ruined me. You used me…so I’m leaving you…

You never told me what the artificial light would do to me. You never told me just how much you were like a cage, and I the animal in it. Until you closed the door. Until you wouldn’t let me leave.

But don’t you worry now. We can still be friends. We can still talk to each other. I’ll still ask my friends how you are doing. But I’ll never let you hold me. I’ll always be afraid that you won’t let me go again…

You can have your things back. You can have your monitor, your keyboard, you multi-line phone. You can have your stupid manilla folders back. Just so you know, I never liked them anyways.

I hope we can both learn from this experience. I hope we can move past it. I hope we can each find someone new. But I hate you now, and I am going to leave you.

Oh, and honey? I’m taking the stapler.

Me

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Dereck :: Aug.04.2008 :: Humor, Work :: 7 Comments »

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