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On Negativity and On Value
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(This is a follow-up to the article, Who Will Be Caesar?)
This is one of those articles you find on the Internet that must actually be read in entirety. Why is that? Because a piece of my soul went into it, and I can never get it back. Instead that piece of soul will remain here, on this electronic version of print, for you, and for ever.
Now what could be so pressing that would require someone to relinquish a part of their soul in order to just say what they had to say?
The title of this article is "On Negativity and On Value." However, the emphasis should be on value because the negativity is just a distraction. The negativity though, brings to the foreground the need for an elaboration on value. In other words, this article starts where it should by addressing the negativity and does that by explaining the value. Where there is a high enough value, there is no need for negativity.
Now don’t get me wrong, I do not focus on the bad, instead I always keep my eyes on the good. The positivity has drastically outweighed the negativity. E-mails that make my eyes wet. Articles that make me stare and read in awe. People I’ve never met physically stepping up to the plate to play ball in a life that is not their own. Strangers of a sort, taking on commitments that may not have any obvious benefit for them in the end. And the negativity stems from that last sentence.
Like I said, I do not focus on the bad; however, there have been some–some people who feel that what I’m trying to do is not in people’s best interest, and that negativity has a valid point: It forces the correct question.
What’s in it for you?
What’s in it for the blogger who asks his or her readers for help?
What’s in it for the person who takes the plunge and scrounges for a few bucks?
What’s in it for the person who sends an e-mail to a friend and says, "Take a look at this."
To answer these questions, we need only to turn to this question:
What do I want to do with my life?
Well, I want to become a teacher. I want to help educate young thinkers. I want to make a difference in the world. I want to help other people until the day I die. I want to do what has never been done for me before, what is being done for me now. And I want to do it thousands of times over. And over. I want to be relentless in the pursuit of other people’s dreams. And I want to do it before it becomes too late.
Steve Olson hit it square on the nose when he thought to include a link to my autobiography. He didn’t say check it out, he said to read the entire thing. And since then, there have been others. They implicitly understood the value.
What is that value? What is the value that can be understood from scrutinizing my life?
The answer to that comes from just one more question:
What does this bike trip mean?
For those who have read my story in full, one thing should be very clear: Most of the doors are already closed for me. Most of them were not closed by me. That should be clear from my story. Most bridges are gone, and I have nowhere I can go. What you are doing is you are building me a bridge. Not one person has to build that bridge, but all of you are building a very small part of a very important bridge. It may be my only bridge. Build this bridge with me. I will build the next ones. Just a brick in this one bridge. I will build all the future bridges.
How is this a bridge?
This trip is not a vacation. It is a trip that I will use to enhance my ability to be a thinking thing, free from the confines of a job from which I cannot escape. There is a distinct possibility that when I return, I will find a road back to the one that I fell from when my life fell apart. In truth though, it has always been in pieces. Never been whole. I want to teach, and the lives of the teachers I wish to emulate are far removed from the life I was given. The life I was born into was a life without legs.
I have potential to do good things. Really good things.
But I don’t stand a chance. But you see, I do stand a chance. You are my chance.
You will be giving me the shot at life I never had.
When seeking charity from people, shame goes out the window. Why is that? Because I am not ashamed of the life I hope to live. In fact, I am proud of it. I am hopeful that it can become something real. Something I can touch, something I can live, and not just something I can dream for when I close my eyes.
You see, I am drowning. I’ve got one good kick left. To ask any one person to drag me from the depths is to ask for too much. But thousands of hands reaching into the water to pull me ashore, that is achievable. That is all, you’re pulling me ashore. Each of you, just a little bit.
All that for a few bucks? You bet. All that for a few bucks.
At the end of my autobiography, I ask the question: "When I say, I Will Not Die, can you imagine what it is I mean?" And here, at the end of this post, I can ask another question:
“Does helping me have a value?”
A good latte, a couple packs of gum, an ice cold beer; maybe more, maybe less. Does helping me have just that much value?
Help me build this one bridge.
Let me show you what I can do with that.
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12 Responses to “On Negativity and On Value”
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[...] you’re through with this post, you should also read this article–it’s a crucial [...]
Outstanding!
Dereck,
I hate to sound like an old curmudgeon but you say…
Be patient. Unless I missed something, you’re not dying. How old are you? 28? You’ve got time.
My life didn’t start getting good until I was 30. 18-29 was nothing but a working class slog. I’m glad I experienced it and things did turn around. Your life will too. Don’t force it. Don’t make ultimatums with life. Accept it and roll with it. You’re growing and that’s the most any of us can ask.
Ah, you’re right. But I know what my trajectory is, and it’s not looking good. The bike trip is this terrific beacon for me, and there are certainly times when I very much feel like I’m drowning.
As to growing, I’m not convinced I have been. The prospects of how this trip represents such a literal transformation, such a literal opportunity for growth are the best prospects I’ve had. Ever. I really mean that.
To be honest, when I look at how much time has passed since I was last in school, last doing things with my talents that actually felt worthwhile, that’s when the sensation of head under water comes to mind.
I won’t push it. I won’t make ultimatums. However, many times when find myself accepting my circumstances too eagerly, I find myself gaining little tangible ground. That’s when I get the urge to kick.
Sometimes my legs feel tired.
What a great post. I see a real future for you as a teacher inspiring others because you accomplished that with this post!
I would like to help, but have had problems with paypal in the past. If you can email me the details I will forward my contribution.
Secondly, a question. Why can you not take out a loan to assist your plans?
@ Beth – I appreciate it, tremendously.
@ Walls – I’m e-mailing you now.
Good for you, mate! Good for you. Too many people look down on teachers without understanding what they are there for or what they go through. Teachers change the world.
I’m only one of two in my immediate family who is not a teacher or has taught in one form or another. My eldest sister taught English in France, my older sister tutored at university, her partner teaches high school history, and both my parents were teachers; my mother high school English, History and media studies, my father the Scottish equivalent of grade school.
I can tell you via vicarious experience that the thrill one gets when a pupil or former pupil thanks you or references some long-forgotten lesson years later, is utterly electric and makes it all worth while. ALL of it.
As a teacher, you’re not just edumacting kids, you’re building a legacy of knowledge. One really great structured (and fun) lesson immediately impacts 30+ lives – more of you have two or three classes and reuse the lesson. Sometimes that lesson is what kicks the snowball down the hill and becomes a career. Sounds like hyperbole, but imagine what Stephen Hawking’s physics teachers feel like. Hell, imagine what his first grade general science teacher feels like!
There will be days when you feel like you wasted countless hours talking towards a room full of gum-chewing hobbledehoys, but remember one thing – and this is as hyperbolic and cliched as it is true – even if you impact just one life, inspire just one child, flip on the lightbulb in one kid’s head… that could change the world.
Hi Dereck,
>You see, I am drowning. I’ve got one good kick left.
Oh, I can so relate to that sentiment. A lot of times, I feel like I’m not growing at all, but rather, I’m just pushing myself further into a corner, a dead end.
Except it’s not true. At least with me, it’s not. It’s the sulky little tragic-romantic boy in me speaking. I talked about quitting music constantly. Always looking for proof that I wasn’t good enough, that I wasn’t meant to do it. But then I realized that I didn’t have to shove me into the corner. I was the one doing it all along.
I believe in change. You say “To ask any one person to drag me from the depths is to ask for too much.” I say, that’s uncharacteristically unimaginative of you. You must know that there are people, many in fact, to whom $10k is nothing but a chump change. The fact that you don’t know one doesn’t mean they aren’t out there. Such a limiting belief will only invite proofs for it.
And the other thing about the bike ride. I’m sure you know that you are perfectly free to go on a bike ride right now. You can quit your job and take your $500 and go. What’s holding you back? You may say it’s a common sense, but it’s your fear. Your fear that you can’t make ends meet with $500. And as long as you have that fear, reality will find ways to make it true. I’m not talking about some hoaky Laws of Attraction. I’m talking about what our minds are capable of creating.
I believe in change, Dereck, and I know you do, too. I’ve seen a girl who was wailing at the top of her lungs, begging to end her life, transformed into a beautiful and whole woman. I’ve seen a baby who couldn’t even roll over, learn to do monkey bars. You may say the latter is only natural. And I agree. Growth and change is natural to us. We just got a little stuck on the way. If we want something badly enough, we’ll create it.
You are absolutely right, there’s value in your vision. You’re reminding all of us that WE CAN CHANGE with this trip. It gives us hope and inspiration. That’s why we want to support you. You represent the best in us, the piece we want to believe in.
So quit talking about negativity and focus just on what you’re offering. You’re on your way to make it happen.
ari
@ Spike – Thanks Spike, I appreciate everything you’ve said here. In fact, playing a role in someone’s future might the most significant event. If I get there, to teaching, to edumacting a range from hobbledehoys to Hawkings, I’ll send you an invitation to sign up for the class.
Thank you Spike
@ Ari – Remember, I’m certainly not focusing on the negativity, but rather, articulating the value as a means to overcome other people’s negativity, certainly not my own because I intrinsically comprehend the value.
Also though, the fear is not so much an intangible as it is a manifestation of very certain obstacles. True, I could leave at any moment, but it would guarantee suffering for my family, something that makes the fear not so much fear, but a moral imperative to take a different route, like a fundraiser with a $10K bar to reach.
Dereck,
I now see what you were doing with italics and all that, and that you were simply illustrating some points with your feeling-oriented writing.
Well, now I feel a bit like a fool.
But really, I got in the kick-butt mode mainly because you and I are in pretty similar place. And some of the fears you appeared to be describing, are also the voices I’ve been wrestling with.
How similar? You’ll find out soon….
ari
@ Ari – But really, you weren’t that far off. Seriously. I do have fears. The question, “What if this fails?” is omnipresent.
Oh, and you’re a tease.